Hello Summer. :)

Hello Summer.

Hello days under the blazing hot sun - and marshmellow fluff clouds.

Hello sun-kissed cheeks filled with fresh freckles.

Hello grassy shoe-less toddler toes.


Hello firefly, frog and other summer creature searching.

Hello to not your everyday seen summer creature chilling in your front yard.

Hello dirty body - hair to toe.

Hello to a fellow who prefers to sit on the side with his feet in the pool instead of swimming...

until he finally gets in...and then it's impossble to get him out.


Hello crazy lake mansions that I love to gawk at (and imagine I live in)

and hello to all of the summer nights spent with people that mean the most.

64 Days Until Fall.

if i counted right.. :)

Listographyyyy!!!!

It's been a while since I've done my little

"Listography" thing.

Well....it's really been a while since I've
posted anything, due to my hectic schedule:

Working.
Mom/wife (kinda) duties.
Laziness.

So this weeks "Listography" topic is

Drum Roll Please.

INVENTIONS!!!

Inventions that would make my life easier.

1. A Me-Duplicator.
The only time the doctor can see me is the same exact time I have to work?! No problem, set the Me-Duplicator to 1 and create one temporary me to do the unpleasant task. Friends arriving in 15 minutes, the house is a wreck, create five Me's and wah lah. Five Me's make quick work of the house while I relax. Perfect.

2. A pause button.
One push of the pause button and everyone freezes in time, but me. I also reserve the right to tag any individuals I want to unfreeze in the rare instance that I don't want just to be left alone. Would use this to cheat on game shows. Yep.

3. Post it notes.
Wait. These have already been invented. But I would like them to be uninvented so that I can invent them and make gajillions of dollars. I'd also like the Twilight Saga to be unwritten so that I can write it. Oh, heck, throw in Microsoft and we'll call it a day.

:)

what would you invent to make YOUR life easier?

My Deepest Fears.

When LIFE is going peachy for me I tend to do two things:

1. worry.

2. feel guilty.

I think to myself,

Wow, this is pretty awesome! Do I deserve this? Did I earn this? Is this a blessing to give me strength for a hardship to come? How long will this GOODNESS last?

Me admitting this does not make me proud.

It's been a flaw of mine for as far back as I can remember.

Take for example, the love I have for Jeremy--who I am so totally certain is my soul mate, and YES I believe in that mushy..cheesy stuff.

With that love comes fear.

The fear that this is too good to be true, that surely this will be taken from me.

And every single day I fear a world where he is not by my side. A world where he isn't hogging the whole entire bed, or wrestling with Parker in the living room. A world without the smell of HIM and the feeling I get in my stomache every single time he walks through the door.

I had these same feelings the moment Parker was born. I can remember my panic when the nurses took Parker away--even if it was just taking him back to be bathed--it was just a taste of the pain that would consume me every time I felt helpless as a mommy.

I remember the OH so many crying spells I had after bringing him home from the hospital. I worried. Worried he would get sick. Worried he would stop breathing while sleeping, so worred that I would lay my hand on his chest until I felt movement. Worried someone may drop him. Worried about every little thing. But most of all, I worried that I couldn't live in a world without him. I had NO idea how deep the love for him would be, and it brought me to tears for weeks. I loved him so much it hurt.

And then there's my mom. My best friend. My rock. I can't imagine not calling her a million times a day, even if it's just to see what she had for lunch.

These are my fears.

My deepest fears.

Losing the ones I love most.

I don't talk about it with them, because, I mean, really how do you have that conversation. But I'm pretty sure each of them get me well enough to know.

Of course, I also embrace and soak in the good times.

Taking mental and literal pictures of every *shining* moment along the way.

I try to memorize the way these moments smell, the way they taste, the way the smile feels on my cheeks when a moment touches my heart.

Once I captur those memories, I put them in a safe place and hold onto them in case they are needed for strength and comfort in the future.

Dear 3 Year, 7 Month Old Parker.

Dear NEARLY 4 year old Parker Lee:

I've watched you grow from my sweet little baby

...into my sweet little BOY

You like to do big boy things now.

And like all big boys do, you have a mind of your own.

Case in point:

You don't like food--unless its covered with sugar or chocolate syrup. I remember the first time you ate ALL of your meal I fixed you, I cried tears of joy...and that is no joke.

In fact, I cry at all of your "little moments". I remember walking in on you doing a puzzle all on your own and I shed some proud mama tears.

You're hair, too, has a mind of its own. It seems as if it is getting thicker and thicker. The only way to tame it is by soaking it and coming it over. Until it dries, you kind of look like Donald Trump, but its okay because I think you're handsome no matter what.

You have selective hearing. For example, "clean your room" means absolutely nothing to you, but "lets go to get Miami ice" has you at the door, shoes on the wrong feet ready to go.

You have a remarkable sense of balance, as is evident when you shimmy UP the slide at the park, and run across the hardwood floor in socks. It would be safe to say that you make my heart stop about 15 times a day--not good.

Sometimes when we go to the park, I just take a step back and I watch you...like really get a good look at you and I try to get into that big ole head of yours and see the world through your eyes. And in these moments, I admire your fascination with all of the little things this world has to offer--all the things that you are witnessing for the first time. And its like I am seeing the world for the first time all over again.

I get giddy when I see your wheels begin to turn as you learn something new and you are always so eager to learn new things, for example {tieing your shoes}.

You do things in your own way, and on your own time, and I am learning to be okay with it.

In 3 and a half short years, you have changed my world,

and I am so proud of the little boy you are becoming!

"I love you to infinity and beyond!!"

--MoMmY

Listography #1 - Bad Combinations.

I'm starting this new thing.

Once a week.

Called "Listography".

{Saw it in a magazine}

Basically, once a week, I'm going

to name a topic such as this weeks

"Bad Combinations"

and I'm going to list in my opinion

my top FIVE bad combinations.

Get it?

All of you that have blogger should do it too!

K. So, my top 5 BAD COMBINATIONS.

1. Child with a cold/the shoulder of my shirt

--is there anything worse than having your childs slug trails of snot all over your clothes?!?!!

2. Peanutbutter/bread/bacon

--When Parker is asked what he wants to eat, his response is "PeanuhButter and Bakin Sanwish"......ew?!

3.Car windows down/hair/lipgloss

--theres nothing better when you're trying to enjoy the summer breeze by riding in the car with your windows rolled down, while wearing lipgloss and your hair getting stuck in the lipgloss....not...

4. Old people/Cars.

--& I KNOW for a fact that you, right now, are agreeing with me. Old people and cars....absolutely do not mix. I've always thought this. I wrote a persuasive essay in the 5th grade about how old people should be made to re-take the driving test.

5. Popcorn/Cleavage.

--Never fails. Everytime I eat popcorn with a low cut shirt on it gets in my bra, and it makes me itch.

What are YOUR top five bad combinations? :)

Guilt.

Mommy Guilt.
Lets talk about that for a minute, mmkay?

Like how I seriously despise going to the park.
But for some reason, admitting this fact gives me guilt.
As if admittance to my lack of excitement to get dirt
in my shoes, get stuck in the tube slide, and experience
sweat drip down my back makes me a bad mom.

And then there's the other kind of guilt
The guilt I feel when I'm having a bad day.
Like last Saturday.

Last Saturday Parker misbehaved in more ways
than I can count. And not even just last Saturday.
More like the last two weeks.

What is it Ms Glenda said the other day...
{Jeremy's step-dads mom}
"...terrible 2's, awful 3's, fearless 4's...."

Well, the words terrible-awful-and fearless,
HAHA.
They don't even begin to cover his behavior lately.
Especially last Saturday.

{food that was fixed for him was mutilated}
{his bed suddenly became a trampoline}
{furnature became a jungle gym}
{toys were thrown across the room}
{and peircing shrieks were heard by the entire apartment complex}


But I tried to stay positive,
because that's my new goal as a mommy.
To brush off the things that dont matter.
To remind myself that this too shall pass.
To focus on his milestones, rather than his meltdowns.

I decided I was going to devote more of my energy,
because maybe, just maybe he needs a little more
of Mommy-Parker time.

So I smiled, and brushed off his wild behavior,
and we played...

But then it was time for me to devote what little energy
I had left to myself, to get ready because we had plans
that night.

As I am sitting in my bedroom floor in front of the mirror
doing my hair/makeup, he then did something so terrible,
so horrible, so unforgivable {if he weren't my pride and joy},
that I could no longer hold a smile on my face.

He said a really, really, really UGLY word.

I dropped my hair straightener, leaving it to burn the carpet,
came in the living room where he was sitting in the floor
frustrated with a toy he had been playing with.

He looks up at me, as I stand in what I call my mad momma stance,
hands on hips, and eyebrows raised. He knew exactly
what he had done.

He broke me.
And I snapped.

PARKER, WHAT did you just say?!?!?!!!

I snatched him up, took him to his room
and sat him on his bed and proceeded to
tell him just how disappointed I was in him.
And then I spanked him, he shed a few tears,
and then wouldn't make eye-contact with me.
{proof he inherited the stubborn gene}

It made me sick to my stomache.
Way to make me feel like a failure,
a horrible mom.

Some of you may may try to tell me
that a 3 year old can't possibly understand what he said.
But I know my kid,
and TRUST me,
he knew.
And it broke my heart.

He said his sorry and we went on with the night.

While riding in the car on the way to the family function
we had to attend, I had NO intentions of telling anyone,
because I didn't need to be told what a horrible influence
I am to my own child. The ONE word that slipped out of Parkers
mouth earlier that day had proved that to me.

and then to myself I thought....

....Why do I feel like I'm doing a terrible job?....
....Why won't he listen to a word I say?....
....Did he get that word from ME?!?....
....Maybe he got it from the movies Jeremy and I watch....
....Maybe he's heard another kid say it?....
....Oh my LORD I'm such a failure....

but of course....I blamed myself.

So when I got home and had some free time, I googled
"what to do when toddlers curse", and luckily the site in which
I read from gave me some interesting tips on what to do.

Spanking was not one of them. {oops}

I then stopped feeling bad for myself,
sucked it up,
and told myself that I'm not the only one struggling with this.

;)

H a v e. a. g r e a t. d a y.

Mothers Day!

My fourth Mothers day was perfect and simple.

Simply Perfect.

We enjoyed some yummy BBQ at

my nanas house, with my family,

followed by a trip to McFarland Park

to spend time with J's family.

{Cheesin' with my cute little gifts}

Yummy smelling candle {Yankee Candles : Fresh Water}

{I got a "HAND" made apron!!! Love it!}

I hope all of my mommy readers

had a fantastic Mothers Day!

I know I sure did!